A-Musings

There is this natural progression in a relationship - from tentative touches, and selective sharing, to feeling as though your lover's body is merely an extension of your own, and saying whatever enters into your head without hesitation.  I think the latter can be described as intimacy.   But I find it funny that I never notice the transition.  One day I'm carefully, invitingly placing my hand on my thigh, hoping that he will reach out to grab it, and then suddenly I am wrapping my entire body around his (partly to generate and steal as much warmth as possible) without a second thought.  This transformation seems almost magical, and despite the fact that I have always considered myself particularly perceptive, I sort of like the idea that it happens so subtly, so incrementally, as to occur almost without my acknowledgement.

And while we're on the subject of my own obliviousness . . .

I think I've mentioned before that the boy and I knew each other for over 8 years (and went to the same high school and college) before we ever became romantically interested in one another (or even really friends).  And as I think back over our past interactions (we were in theatre together in high school and pretty much avoided each other in college) it is kind of astounding how neutral my opinion was of him.  There was no real attraction, or spark, or any inkling that he would ever mean more to me than a passing acquaintance.  I almost want to go back and shake my past self and say "pay attention, you're going to love that boy one day!" (I say almost because this would certainly create some kind of time warp effect that would inevitably send shock waves to the present and completely destroy the awesome life I'm currently leading).  It is worthy to note though that he was the first boy I ever slow danced with. That definitely means something.  Or I'm going to say it does, because I'm annoyed at my 8+ years of indifference.  

That is all.

Amanda